Leaving her behind

Sekarang ni pagi2 lepas mandikan Tasneem, masa pakaikan baju tu ummi terbayang2 camana la agaknya Tasneem kat umah babysitter tu bila ummi naik keje nanti.

Sekarang ni Tasneem buat pe’el melalak mase pakai baju, ummi doa janganlah Tasneem buat perangai cam gitu nanti. Malu nanti jiran2 dengar, nanti diorg cakap anak En. Ib ni kuat nangis. Kan dah x comel bunyi nye tu..

Last week, ummi has been contemplating either to ask your Nenek Rom’s favor to babysit you for a month or just send you to babysitter when I started working soon. Ummi talked to abi about it and here’s the conversation looked-alike:

 Abang, rasa2 ok x kita mintak tolong mami jagakan Tasneem utk sebulan ni??

Nape? kata nak hantar kat babysitter?

Alaaaa, kesian la kat Tasneem, kecik lagi.. still lembik nak hantar kat babysitter tu..

Abis tu, kalau mintak mami jaga lepas sebulan nanti dia dah x kecik lagi ke?

Err… *speechless*

Erm, nanti lah abg tanya pada mami.

But the truth is, ummi felt guilty for having to send you away. Also I just hate the feeling of you spending more time with others, not me, not your abi, not your relatives. Jealous. Crazy jealous.

This is the bitter-sweet fact that ummi have to deal. I believe all mother returning to work will feel that way too. IF only I have the option to stop working and stay with Tasneem all day BUT at the same time making money at home. But please, dont suggest me those work-from-home-internet-based-MLM- thing because lets just put it this way; I had enough of it already. I could not afford to stop working because of many reasons. Eventhough the idea of SAHM is fabulous, but its not suitable for us at the moment, especially in financial state. Lagipun, ummi likes to be a professional career woman and I know I’m capable to be a professional career mother too. I just need time to prove it.

Last few days, ummi had a final thought about the matter. I decided to just send you to the babysitter when I start working on 3rd March. I told abi that he doesnt have to ask mami. There are a few reasons why I made the decision and 1 of them is; sooner or later we still have to send Tasneem to babysitter afterall. Lagipun, mami’s has had a history with her hand, so mcm menyusahkan dia pula nanti nak kena jaga Tasneem.

So thats it, harap2 Tasneem behave and be a good little girl masa kat umah babysitter nanti. For the time being, ummi just want to spend the time left with Tasneem because I’ll be missing every moments of that soon.